INTERESTING OBSERVATION POST BRAIN SURGERY

I'm still only able to write and read a few sentences a day (with much effort). And even most movies and TV are too difficult.

But several days ago I was able to watch an episode of 30 ROCK and laugh at humor I would have otherwise found too broad and obvious. But that was exactly what made it enjoyable.

Whereas a few days later I tried to watch THE DAILY SHOW and though at first I was laughing and enjoying John Stewart, within only a few minutes it became too complex, full of subtleties and ironies that began to actually hurt my brain and I had to turn it off.

It's too difficult to articulate now, but it feels like these are insights into the way many people's brains work, or don't work.

TWO WEEKS TODAY

I had the brain surgery on Friday, Nov. 13th (and yes, I was very aware of the date but thought it would be pretty foolish to postpone such a serious and necessary operation because of superstition).

I never lost the ability to speak normally, nor my appetite. The two things that have been giving me the most pleasure—conversation (though speaking to more than one person at a time is still a challenge) and food.

I still can't read to myself much (a paragraph a day is the limit and I still stumble over words etc.), but a little more than I could just a few days ago. And writing is still very difficult and slow, almost impossible, e.g. I can only do one or two simple e mails a day.

But fortunately, either because of the way my brain is now functioning (or not functioning) I am mostly very contented with and accepting of what might seem like relatively slow progress. It is what it is and I have no power over it. All I can do is be patient with myself, my brain, and with others. And for the most part, I am.

GRATITUDE

It's been my best day so far since the surgery.

So much to be grateful for. Especially all the family and friends who have been sending me so much love.

It's too difficult to express how much that means. So much at the moment seems so inconsequential compared to the power of love. May I never forget that.

And may I always be grateful for each and every moment of life while I still have it.

MORE POST/POET BRAIN SURGERY + (500) DAYS OF SUMMER

Watched a movie last night.

(500) DAYS OF SUMMER.

Interestingly could follow the simple plot despite jumps in time. Also could appreciate the soundtrack. But many finer points I could not grasp.

Like where it's set. Seemingly a Midwest version of L. A. My mind kept objecting, kept asking, WHERE ARE THESE PEOPLE? And the connections between them seemed false to me too, except for the two leads.

Also could not follow the young girl's story or place in the story.

Plus still the big gaps in perception making much of the film seem almost atomized. As if each scene, each light, each person, etc. were uniquely and separately realized without the usual fluid connection between things that may be is just our minds bridging those gaps for us.

What a strange trip this all is.

MORE POET BRAIN SURGERY

Big day yesterday (staples out, meaning trip to the city.)

Pockets of close to normalcy. Not pushing it (honest Suzanne).

Still fascinated by the whole experience/adventure.

Yesterday, able to pay attention to two things at the same time briefly. In hospital was able to surrender to the cacophony of sound without straining to distinguish separate elements.

Noticed in car ride to city, visually things appear almost as in 3D, no smoothing of the whole but rather distinct elements standing out from each other. Sounds too. 'nuff for now.

SUNDAY POET BRAIN SURGERY

Thought I'd leave that "poet" mistype in!

Tired night so not as much of an improvement as the past few days trying to type. But still what a long way to have come already. (Typing with my left finger is faster). Also was able to read a paragraph out of a TIME to myself for the first time silently (I got back being able to read out loud a few days ago).

Unfortunately (phew, that was a chore to get right), the article was about Sarah Palin. How did it ever come to this. Oh well, out of my control.

(PS: I feel almost guilty for all the concern and worry I've caused family and friends. A kind of survivor's guilt thing, which is interesting. But mostly the calm of not being able to control events beyond the moment. The ultimate spiritual surrender.)

BRAIN SURGERY—1 WEEK LATER

Obviously better typing skills. Still slow and tiring (taking forever), but so improved.

I can't wait to be able to relate some of this in detail, especially the first days, like being able to talk but incapable of passing on a message over the phone. Or unable to multiply a simple number. Or read a series of simple words.

Worn out, but grateful so much is slowly coming back.